There is still a stereotype that exists about running: that it is an individual sport and a solo pursuit. Across the world, however, more and more informal running groups and running communities are springing up.

This series of blogs aims to give voice to those groups – celebrating the power and impact of running with others.

Conversation

Conversation is at the heart of all relationships.

To illustrate this, it is useful to reflect on the impact of the two extremes of conversation. When we have a difficult conversation, we are left feeling upset and the ramifications of it can often last for days, with the power of words lingering in our minds. I’m confident I’m not the only one who has been wide awake at night, replaying a conversation endlessly in my head.

A good conversation, in contrast, can have a transformative impact: helping to build better connections and deepen our understanding of ourselves and others. It makes us feel lighter, less self-preoccupied and happier.

As human beings most of us invest a huge amount of time in speaking with others and doing the most underrated of communication skills: listening. Ultimately, the people we want to surround ourselves with, are people who seem to have the ability to make these skills look easy.

To find such people, however, can be challenging.

Distraction

In our distraction heavy modern life, so much gets in the way of conversation. The ticking time bomb in our pockets, with its endless notifications, is perhaps the biggest culprit. Fear not, I’m not about to go on another phone rant – we only need to be aware of how many times conversations with others are interrupted with phones to appreciate this is a fact of life.

It is why mindfulness is often offered as a panacea to fix all of our problems in life, we are attracted to it because so often we are mindless and caught in a cycle of instant gratification. It isn’t our fault necessarily, the greatest brains in the world are working on making this technology as addictive as possible.

There is, however, a place where we can escape this and a place where we can enter a bubble of conversation with others: running.

Presence

When you run with someone else you give them what is so often missing in interactions now: presence. Other than the rhythmic focus on movement and breathing, you are there for someone else and can focus entirely on the conversation.

My wife and I have been running together once a week for the last few weeks. It has been a great way to escape the pressures (and joys) of life with small children, where you are constantly in demand and frequently interrupted when you try to talk. We can talk openly and be present for each other in a way we can often struggle with at home.

That ability to focus on another person is also key to moving conversation beyond the superficial.

Beyond the Superficial

I was discussing running groups with a friend at the weekend, and she was talking about important her relationships are with the group she runs with once a week. For her, it has helped her navigate some challenging times and provided a rock of support.

One thing she also talked about that I found very interesting was eye contact.

Eye contact has an intensity about it that for those of us who might be shyer can find challenging. It can also make talking deeply about feelings and emotions more challenging.

Running with others removes this, and can be liberating in terms of the content of conversations.  

A year ago this week I set up a running group for local Dads in the area. Through the course of the past year, I have found that I have had some of the most profound conversations with members of this group. There is, of course, a stereotype about men: we don’t deal well with talking about our feelings and intense conversations.

That may be true, but I would suggest that running with others can bridge this gap, and help people (even us emotionally repressed men!) to feel more comfortable taking conversation and relationships to new levels. My experience of doing this group for the past year is that it has certainly strengthened social bonds between members.

Commit

This series of posts will finish with some practical suggestions about how to go about running with others. I’ll finish this post, however, by briefly mentioning the importance of committing to a regular time and place in which you can run with someone else.

Yes, we are all busy and have lots of time-pressures, but if you can prioritise a time together and make it a regular thing – you will find within weeks you have real benefits.

So, if you want to deepen your relationships and communication – go a run with someone else this week.

Thank you for reading.

Read: Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker ‘Let’s Talk: An Essential Guide to Skillful Communication’.

Listen: How to Speak Clearly, calmly and without alienating people. Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker